


I'm Your Man

by mimamo



Category: The Handmaid's Tale (TV), The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort Domestic Fluff Romance Family, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2019-06-09 21:01:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15276108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mimamo/pseuds/mimamo
Summary: Set approximately 18 months from the end of Season 3. June has Nick concerned and he is determined to find out what is bothering her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my version of a happily ever after for Nick and June, it takes into account the quiet strength of the man who has/will move heaven and earth for the woman he deeply loves. I am not a writer so I appreciate your need to overlook any errors :)

I’m Your Man

 

The door slammed behind him.

Goddamn, she was the most fucking stubborn woman he had ever met. She was in the window watching him as he jogged down the steps, a frigid wind kicking up, snow tonight, 4 to 6 inches. He would need to shovel these damn steps tomorrow, but that was the least of his worries right now. Right now he desperately wanted a smoke and of course his pack was empty, crushing it in his hand and shoving it in his coat pocket he looked up to see exhaust fog swirling around the waiting car, the driver Ray rolled down the window asking “where to?” Trying not to glare at the guy assigned to him Nick bit down his frustration answering flatly that he wanted to walk and Ray should go home for the night. Turning away towards the only mini mart that he knew would be open he shoved his hands in his pockets. He shouldn’t have slammed out that way, it wasn’t going to help the situation to let his temper get the better of him.

Her crazy usually intrigued him, he loved watching her get all wound up and excited, it always seemed to him that her eyes got more blue, he found it fascinating, but then he found everything about her fascinating, always had from the minute he laid eyes on her. Her passion carried over into everything she did...everything, and he wouldn’t change that for the world but this seemed different. The last month or so she had been off the rails erratic, little things that he did suddenly bothered her and she would lash out. The mood swings were giving him whiplash, the upside was that the make up sex was fucking fantastic, although sex between them was always phenomenal, and frequent. He would look up to find her studying him and seconds later she was all over him, they were all over each other, it was thrilling. They had always been all over each other but this was even more...frenzied and passionate. He had started to worry though that his dick was going to fall off trying to keep up with her, the door had barely closed behind her tonight before she had his pants open and his cock in her mouth, just to be clear that wasn’t a complaint, he had ended up with her straddling him, on the kitchen chair, scratches down his back, orgasms everywhere. 

Then she cried. 

He couldn’t get a handle on it, couldn’t figure out what was bothering her, what she needed, what he could do for her, get for her, give to her. He knew June, he watched June, it was one of the greatest joys of his life to watch her. She fascinated him physically and mentally. He was an analytical guy, kept his thoughts to himself unless she pulled them out of him. “Talk to me Nick,” she would plead her blue, blue eyes dripping with empathy and love and want, and he couldn’t refuse her, then he would do his best to voice whatever had been rolling around in his head. 

This time though he had been the one to ask, her legs straddling him, sweat still cooling on his forehead, trailing his fingertips up and down the smooth soft skin on her back, her head turned and tucked in on his shoulder, her tears sliding down his chest. He was baffled, shifting her and tilting her face to meet his eyes. 

“Talk to me June,” he urged, cradling her face with both hands and wiping away her tears with his thumbs, “June, baby, what’s wrong, tell me?” 

She had gone ballistic. Wrenching herself off of him and stumbling away locking the door behind her.

 

 

They had been married for a year and a half, a crazy 18 months. He had fought like hell and finally gotten her out of Gilead while he stayed back working nonstop to be able to finally bring Hannah home to June. Word of his successful spy game maneuvering against Gilead had spread and the struggling but true US government had quickly offered him a lucrative and high profile job, the position had allowed him opportunities and insider information instrumental for he and June to rescue Holly. So life as a married man had given him everything, two children, a beautiful wife that he loved with all of his heart, a job that allowed him rise to a position high enough to make a difference fighting the continuing clusterfuck evils of Gilead and the power to help put every sick motherfucker like Fred and Serena Waterford behind bars for life.

Feeling his phone buzz he stopped walking to pull it out of his pocket, over the screen saver photo of June, Holly and Hannah sitting on the sand on the beach, was a text from Mrs. Blaine, “I’m sorry. I love you. Come home.” He had never asked her to take his last name and he had never expected her, totally her decision and fuck he never got tired of seeing the words Mrs. Blaine, he didn’t care if it made him a pussy that his eyes teared up almost every time he looked at that photo of his family.

It wasn’t June’s job bothering her, she had gotten herself a position part-time working for the government writing and editing new laws and procedures, she was making a difference and she glowed with pride and excitement when she recounted her days to him.

Hannah was happy and healthy, sure she was entering the pre-teen years and could be a handful at times recently but that seemed to be a fairly normal life passage for both parent and child, and given what she had been through in her young life he and June had agreed many times that some attitude and push back was healthy.

Holly was thriving, fair and blue-eyed like June but with a head of dark curly hair like his, a happy easy going child, where Hannah was always a bundle of activity Holly could be content to sit on his or June’s lap and observe. He hoped he hadn’t woken either one of the girls when he had slammed the door on his way out.

Luke couldn’t be the problem, he was miles away apparently happy in a new relationship which June was thrilled about but, and while he agreed that Luke moving on was a damn good thing, he was more than a little freaked out that the new woman looked a bit like June to him. For Hannah’s sake he always tried to go with the flow when it came to Luke, but frankly, he would never understand the guy. Who the fuck leaves their woman in that fucking nightmare of a shitshow and makes no move whatsoever to help them, rescue them or get them out. He realized it was asshole-ish of him to refer to June as his woman, but it was what it was, there would never be anyone else for him and God willing there would only ever be him for her. 

That being said he should just get his ass home and get this situation resolved with her. Fuck the cigarettes, June would always know if he had been smoking because she smelled his clothes, he had more than once walked in on her smelling his coat or pillow or sweater. When he teased her about it she would try to turn it around by chiding him about his frequent I-really-need-to-quit comments. He really should quit, for her, for the girls, for him. If she asked him to quit he would in a heartbeat, God knows that June had been through enough in her life, he would give her anything and everything she wanted even if she didn’t voice that she needed it or wanted it. Their house was large, their lifestyle comfortable, did they need a big house, no but he was damn proud that this government salary allowed him to provide that for her, whatever school she wanted for Hannah, he wanted too and made it happen. June had been through enough, struggled and fought enough, he wanted life to be easy for her for her now and always.

 

\----------------------------------- 

 

Stepping quietly into their foyer he closed the door behind him, the few lights left on were dimmed casting a warm glow on the school books and toys cluttering their coffee table, stepping over the gym shoes and little pink dress up cowboy boots strewn haphazardly on the floor he headed into the girl's bedroom. Hannah’s dark head peeked out from under her duvet. He smirked at her. 

“Hey Han, you know she’s gonna nail you for having that thing on after bedtime.” 

“Nickkkkk, I’ll turn it off, please don’t tell her, pleaseeeee?”

Nick raised his eyebrows at her enjoying the lighthearted pleading. 

“No Nick not the eyebrow raise, nooo.” 

He chuckled, leaning forward to pry the Ipad out of her hands and setting it on her nightstand.

“Nick?”

“Yeah Han?”

“Why is mom mad at you?”

“I don’t know but I’m going to find out, we’ll talk it through and everything will be good.”

“What if she doesn’t stop being mad? You won’t...leave will you?”

It fucking gutted him every time, the effect of Gilead had left on her.

“Hannah look at me, I love your mom more than anything in this world, and you, and Holly. I will never leave her. No one will ever take me from her or her from me. And nobody will ever take you away from us, ever. You are safe. I will always keep you safe.” 

He leaned forward to kiss her on the forehead where the small worry lines had smoothed out.

“Night Han, love you.”

“Night Nick, love you too.”

 

Crossing the room Nick eased himself down on the edge of Holly’s twin bed, she was a hot sleeper, always warm and kicking the blankets off, he straightened them out folding them down to her waist, her thumb was resting in her open mouth, both he and June had heard many times from many people that they shouldn’t allow this, that they should force her to quit. They just couldn’t bring themselves to do it and had agreed that eventually, she would give it up on her own, but he gently pulled her thumb out of her open mouth and stroked her dark curly hair back from her soft sweaty forehead. He breathed in her sweet little girl scent leaning over to kiss her, whispering, “Sweet dreams, Holly Go Lightly.“

 

\-------------------

 

Walking into their bedroom he found June in bed turned on her side away from him surrounded by pillows, many pillows. It was a king size bed...with eight pillows, he never understood the need for all the pillows when you only needed one for each head. It was a pain in the ass to line them all up the way June wanted, but they were only pillows and it made June happy. Although right now those were pillows keeping his wife from him.

“June?”

No answer.

“Are you okay”

No answer.

So fucking stubborn, he knew she wasn’t asleep, toeing off his shoes and undressed down to only his black boxer briefs he crossed to the other side of the bed crouching down in front of her. Reaching out he pushed a lock of hair back off of her face, then rested his hand to stroke his thumb over her cheek, her eyelashes were wet. She took a deep shuddery breath and opened her eyes, he kept his voice low and calm.

“June, what is it? Talk to me June?

Finally, her hand shifted out from under the duvet stopping over his heart, then her fingertips skimmed back and forth. She had confessed to him once that she liked to feel his heart beating, knowing that it beat for her and hers for him. He watched her silently waiting to see if she would say anything. His heart ached as her eyes welled with tears and a few spilled over.

“I love you so much Nick,” she whispered sliding her hand up higher to stroke it over his late night dark stubble.

“June, what the fuck, you’re scaring me, are you sick? Is it Hannah, Holly, is something wrong, are they okay?” Although his voice was still low the words came out more urgently.

Nudging her over, he climbed onto their bed and positioned her sideways onto his lap, cradling her in his arms, his head resting on top of hers. He tightened his arms around her. 

“Enough June, tell me now, I can take it. Whatever it is I’ll fix it and make it right.”

He heard her sucking in a breath and steeled himself for whatever she was about to say.

“I’m pregnant.”

His heart stopped, time stopped, the world stopped, his arms dropped away from her.

“Are you mad Nick?”

He heard her voice but his mind was racing through nine months, nine months of seeing, touching, feeling June every day, whenever he wanted, feeling June pregnant with his baby. Touching her silky hair and feeling it get thicker, being able to see her body change, getting rounder, lying in bed with her every night, his hand on her belly with their baby growing in her. Sliding inside of her warm, wet heat, and making love to her with their baby cocooned safely between them. Taking her to the doctor to hear the heartbeat, watching her breastfeed...

“Nick, talk to me, you are mad aren’t you? Nick?”

He blinked looking down into her eyes, the same blue eyes he saw in Hannah’s face, in Holly’s face.

“I’m sorry, I think that’s what’s been making me so emotionally crazy. I, I just, I must have forgotten to take a pill or didn’t take it at the right time or it was the antibiotics I took. I took a pregnancy test, during lunch today and I wanted to, to... 

“June.” 

I wanted to tell you right away but we’ve never talked about having more kids. I was afraid to tell you, I just...

“June, stop. Stop...”

“Nick, I”

He dropped his head resting it on her shoulder. Thank God, thank God, there was nothing wrong, everyone was okay, sucking in a breath he wrapped one hand around her neck and wiped her tears away with the other. Tipping her head up and resting his forehead on hers his lips close enough to breathe in her breath he murmured in a husky voice “June, I’m thrilled we made another baby. It doesn’t matter how it happened. You want five more kids, throw away the pills and we’ll have five more, you don’t want anymore after this that’s fine too. Whatever you want June, that’s what I want you to have. 

She leaned away from him, scrambling around to straddle him, her hands sliding up to grab his biceps her blue eyes spilling over again with tears locked onto his.

“This time we’ll do it all together right, we won’t have to be separated, or hide it, no one will be able to take our baby away. or keep us apart?”

She leaned forward her entire body resting against him, nuzzling her face into his neck kissing and licking.

“That’s right June, you’re safe here, I’ll keep you safe.”

She was squirming around in his lap, her tongue sliding into his mouth and he felt himself getting hard, her hand sliding down his chest and into his boxers, he grabbed her hand stilling it.

“June?”

“Hmm?”

“Is this we’re having a baby sex or makeup sex?”

He released her hand and sucked in a breath as she slid it down the length of him.

“First it’s we’re having a baby sex, then we’ll have makeup sex.”

Her hand drew slowly back up and his head tipped back as his eyes closed.

“Fuck June, it’s been a long day and you’ve put me through an emotional roller coaster, I don’t know if I can...”

She knelt up resting her hands on his shoulders and slowly lowered herself down onto him.

“Try.”


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No angst here, there is enough of that in the show for me and I'll leave the heavy drama and intelligent plot writing to the more practiced writers here :)

I”m Your Man ~ Part 2

After a long day that ended with a last-minute committee meeting, Nick at 9:30 still in his suit pants, tie loosened and shirt sleeves rolled, stood at the stove stirring, reaching over he twisted the can and read the label ‘Chef Boyardee Beefaroni. Pasta and tomato with meat sauce’. Disgusting, he thought to himself grimacing. Would a true Italian spell their name Boyard’ee’ instead of Boyard’i’? He’d learned his lesson though and was keeping his mouth shut - which also helped him avoid breathing in the smell of it. For the past month June craved it...constantly, it was pretty fucking hard to find and there’s no way he’s telling her that he pays seven bucks a can on the black market for it. If June wants it then he’ll move heaven and earth to get it for her. Any way he can be a part of this pregnancy, he wants in on. 

He hears June humming as she enters the kitchen, her hair’s pulled up in a messy knot on top of her head, she’s in tiny Star Wars pattern sleep shorts that now ride low under her belly and her little matching tank top is now a little small too, on her feet she wore a pair of his sock. She looked so fucking beautiful to him and he loved every single thing about her. Times like this overwhelmed him, words escaped him, she was his wife, his pregnant wife, he could touch her, hold her, tell her out loud that he loved her - whenever he wanted. It never got old.

“May the force be with you,” he smirked at her.

“I’m hoping the force will be in me in a little while,” she responded crossing the room to wrap her arms around him, after pressing a kiss to his back she peeked around his shoulder as he resumed stirring. 

“Mmmm smells so good. Is it ready?” 

“Uh, almost.” Nick cringed inwardly, okay he loved every single thing about her except this.

“Awesome. Nick, you’re stirring it too hard, don’t break the noodles, you have to keep them all in one piece or I’ll have to go through and pick out all of the broken ones again, okay?”

Nick chuckled wrapping one arm around her and pulling her forward to his side so his hand could rest on her belly, when she smiled up at him he leaned down and kissed her, then gently pushed her away.

“Go, sit, rest, I’ll bring it to you.”

Glad that he had the chance to kiss her before she ate any of it, he moved around the kitchen gathering a plate, bowl, and utensils for her.

“Nick?”

“Yes? Water?”

June wrinkled her nose. “Tequila and tonic with a twist please.”

“Sorry Baby, no Tequila for my baby.”

Nick placed a glass of water in front of her and crouched down next to her leaning in to kiss and nuzzle her small belly peeking out, June ruffled her hand through his hair.

“How’s my baby today,” he murmured, his breath warming her...everywhere. Clutching a handful of his hair she pushed his head back from her stomach to meet his eyes then leaned down to kiss his mouth.

“Hungry,” she wiggled her eyebrows at him.“Your baby mama is hungry. And, your baby is hungry too.”

“Well, I’ll get my baby fed, then I’ll make sure that my ‘wife’ isn’t hungry anymore. Sound good?” 

Nick moved away to dish up her food, as Hannah padded into the room, 

“Hey, Banana it’s late, what are you doing up?” June asked her, patting the chair next to her.

“I smelled the Beefaroni.” 

Hannah grinned at Nick, “You didn’t make mom mad and break the noodles again did you?”

Nick rolled his eyes at her, hoping to hell his genes were strong enough in Holly and the new baby to override this bizarre unhealthy love of mushy canned meat and pasta. 

“Do you want some Han?”

“Ugh no, that stuff is gross.”

Thank God he thought, this hopefully was just a pregnancy thing, he had been reading a copy of What to Expect When Your Wife Is Expecting during his lunch hours so that he wasn’t a complete idiot during this pregnancy. The ‘what not to say’ section was particularly helpful, and finding out that he hadn’t just dreamed up the idea that her breasts were even more fucking spectacular right now was helpful too. Taking a moment to stop and really appreciate them for a moment Nick let his eyes wander hungrily over her until June noticed, clearing her throat and giving him an amused grin, lucky for him she never minded his fascinated ogling and lucky for him was just as enamored with his dick. 

“I’ll make you some peanut butter toast,” Nick offered Hannah. “Holly still sleeping?

“Yeah, she was still holding that book you were reading to her, was that a kid's book?”

“No, it’s called “Team of Rivals,” it’s by a woman, Doris Kearns Goodwin, about President Lincoln trying to work with his cabinet through another really difficult time in America.”

Hannah wrinkled her nose, looking just like June, “You’re reading her a grown-up book?”

“Yeah, she’s smart like her mom, so are you, I’ll read it to you next,” Nick offered.

“K, well I took it away from her and put it on the nightstand so she wouldn’t hurt herself.”

“Thanks, Hannah.” 

He loved to watch Hannah and Holly together, Hannah was a doting big sister and it often left him reflecting on how close he and his brother had been. Fucking Gilead had ruined so many lives.

“Can we paint elephants on the wall in the baby’s room?” Hannah asked munching on her toast. “Holly and I would really like elephants.”

Nick decided to let June handle this. 

Sitting down next to June with one arm stretched out on the back of her chair with his hand resting on her shoulder his mind wandered the merits of sea lions versus elephants was discussed. 

Last week waking in the middle of the night from another nightmare he found June missing from their bed. After checking to make sure the girls were safe he found her in what would soon be the baby’s room, everything taped off, paint can open, dressed in only one of his old t-shirts and panties with #badass written on them, she was shaking and twirking to some old-school hip-hop. Arms folded across his chest, he leaned against the doorway watching appreciatively for a few minutes, he moved quickly though when she and the roll of tape she was wearing as a bracelet headed toward the ladder. 

“June?”

“ Shit, you scared me! I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to wake you so I thought I would...”

“June, no.”

He slid his hands down from her shoulders to remove the tape from her hand, she tightened her grip on it.

“I’ll do it June.”

Nick tightened his grip on it and wrestled it away from her.

“I know Nick but you’re so busy and I wanted to help get it finished”

“No, I’m sorry, no ladder June, and didn’t the book say paint fumes are bad? For you and the baby?”

Nick watched her shoulders slump as defeat washed over her, and it killed him. She was a badass, a warrior, stubborn, fierce, determined, he knew it was difficult for her to admit defeat in anything and he was so damn proud of her, of everything she had accomplished. He dropped the tape to the floor and wrapped his arms around her, his head tucked down nestled into her hair and spoke in a hushed tone.

“Remember the Intel you got from the two handmaids using your info system, Commander Ryan, and Commander Potter, they’re a week away from being taken down.” He leaned back to look into her eyes, “You did that June. Your information pipeline. Your informants.”

“Yeah?” Her eyes lit up with the knowledge that once again her efforts were instrumental in taking down Gilead, piece by piece, person by person.

“Yeah, you. You did that,” he repeated, “I’m so fucking proud of you. I hope our baby has your fight and determination, your big heart...” Pausing, his index finger slowly slid back and forth over her bottom lip.  
Leaning in she kissed him, deep and wet, her fingers grasping and twisting into his hair, the kiss went until June pulled away breathing heavily.

“Wait, A week, they’re not asking you to do it, are they? You’re not going back again are you Nick?”

His hands slid up cupping her cheeks in his palms, tilting her head up, his lips hovering over hers, “I’m never leaving your side again June.”

 

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

 

“Nick?” June squeezed his hand, bringing him back from his memories of that night. He didn’t have a fucking clue what she had just asked him.

“What about giraffes?” 

June and Hannah burst out laughing, “Ughhhh, giraffes, noooo.” 

Nick grunted, every once in a while he hoped that the baby was a boy, he could use a little more testosterone around the house. June left the table to place her dish in the dishwasher and then sat down on his lap, giving him a smacking kiss. 

“We were talking about taking Hannah to stay with Luke during her next school break.”

“Yeah sure. Han, it’s your choice, you make the decision and we’ll make it happen,” he agreed.

Hannah had spent enough time in her young life having decisions taken away from her, he had wholeheartedly agreed with June that they would reinforce her ability to make her own decisions whenever possible. While June wriggled around on lip lap getting comfortable, Nick slid his hands around her waist to rest them on her belly, hoping to feel the baby kick again. 

“Okayyyyy I’m going back to bed now, love you.” Hannah scampered off her cheeks a little pink, occasionally their displays of affection embarrassed her and though they tried to be conscientious they weren’t willing to ever hide their love or affection from anyone again. 

June sighed. 

“Still hungry?” He mumbled, his face buried in her neck, his warm hands rubbing over her entire belly.

“Yeah.”

His hands had drifted higher, his thumbs brushing the undersides of her breasts.

“Really? You want something else?”

“Uh huh.”

Nick chuckled, he knew that breathy voice, “Come on let's get you to bed”

“I’m not tired anymore Nick.”

“Good, because you’re not going to be sleeping for a while.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was pregnant with my first daughter I ate Beefaroni for breakfast lunch and dinner for three weeks straight. My husband would come home at night to three clean cans lined up on the counter waiting for him to take out to the recycling bin. I had never had Beefaroni before and I haven't touched it since lol.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :::: Please forgive any grammar or spelling errors, or just the writing altogether (if you don't care for it) lol. ::::

Dark and quiet, it was a rare thing around their house, unless it was this late. Gripping the glass tighter lessened the shake in his hand slightly, so he tightened his hold on it even more until he thought it might shatter in his hand. Wincing Nick let another gulp of Scotch burn down his throat, Highland Park, 12 years in a barrel, he loved it and he hated it, when the fuck had he become a Scotch drinker, when did he become “that” guy? Too fucking bad, the alternative craft beer June usually bought for him just wasn’t going to cut it tonight, he wanted drunk, forget your own face drunk. Was he self-medicating, you bet your ass. Leaning forward elbows resting on his knees, he pushed his hands through his hair, fuck, the dream had been so damn real, motherfucking, motherfucker Fred with his hands on June, holding her down, hurting her. That deserved at least one more drink.

 

At least the nightmares were more rare these days and when he did have one he would just pull June a little closer, rub his hand over her belly and if he was very lucky the baby would move then he could talk himself down. He had developed his own personal mantra, reciting June,Hannah,Holly,BabyBlaine over and over in his head until the racing in his heart slowed, at the same time he would try to focus on how lucky he, they, were to have gotten out and sleep would eventually return. Not tonight though. Setting down the bottle he had carried out with him after refilling his glass again, he could feel the edges of his mind had softened just slightly and he blew out a slight breath of relief.

 

The hall light flicked on, shit, June was up. It was only six more weeks before BB’s arrival and she really needed her sleep, June wasn’t a big fan of the name BB, she preferred Baby Blaine but he liked BB and so did Hannah and Holly. The last thing June needed was to find him out here drunk, brooding, and in the middle of an emotional meltdown over a dream. He was the steady one, the calm one, the rock, her protector.He refused to let any of this spill over onto her, he would keep his shit locked down, he had been a double, double spy for fuck’s sake, he was an emotional vault.

 

“Nick?”

 

He dropped his head back blowing out a ragged breath, answering her in what he hoped was an untroubled voice, “Hey June, I couldn’t sleep.”

 

“I have the _best_ way to take care of that.”

 

He managed a weak smile, “Go back to bed Baby, you need your sleep.”

 

He watched her eyes drift over him, he could tell she was trying to determine whether he was bullshitting her or not. He felt like he held his ground pretty well. After a long moment of silence, she crawled onto his lap resting her head on his chest. He breathed her in, the scent of her hair, her skin, everything about her, just her very presence was soothing to him, the feel of her body moving and shifting on his lap comforting and arousing at the same time. She was so soft, so warm…everywhere.

 

“Breathe on me Nick so I can have some of that Scotch too,” she requested tipping her face up to him.

 

Such a goof, he smiled, it was a small smile but genuine, leaning his head down, his lips hovered over hers briefly then gently kissed her. She snuggled back down and for long minutes it was just silence, broken only by the clinking of the half melted ice as he raised and lowered his glass repeatedly.

 

June finally broke the silence,“I heard a question today that I wondered how you would answer.”

 

He took another drink, “Yeah?”

 

“If you knew you would be stranded on a desert island and you were only allowed to take one thing what would it be?”

 

His free hand idly twisted a lock of her hair, “A boat.”

 

He felt her cheeks curve into a smile where her head rested on his chest.

 

Nick returned the question, “What would you take?”

 

“My picture frame, you know the one that has the nine photos, of you, you and me, all of us, the girls, that one.”

 

He pulled gently on the lock of hair in his hand, “You’de probably have a boat built in a week with just that picture frame an’ one of your hair things.”

 

June laughed lightly, “Yeah, I probably would.”

 

Her hand, resting over his heart, twisted her ring, her wedding ring, around and around, the stone catching in the low light and sparkling at every turn. Nick was mesmerized, the diamond was big, she couldn’t have cared less about the size of the stone, cost a whole fucking lot of money, worth every penny he thought every time he saw it on her finger. He had the inside engraved with ‘ _My heart is yours_ ,’ June had cried until she was sobbing and hiccuping, he’d had to sit on the floor next to her just to slide it on her finger. She had his engraved with the same.

 

“Pretty sure I’d find you ‘fore you finished it.”

 

He could tell his speech was starting to slur a bit, he decided Scotch was the perfect drink for everyone.

 

“You probably would,” she agreed nodding.

 

He snorted, “I sooo fuckin’ would,” resting his hand protectively over her belly.”

 

So far so good at keeping his dark mood hidden, he refused to let it bubble over onto her. June had her own emotional residue to deal with, he would gladly take it all from her if he could, but he absolutely refused to let her shoulder his. He would handle it, and more. Quietly, just him, on his own. Spilling his deep dark thoughts and feelings to her wasn’t an option. He knew he was a man of few words, still waters run deep his mom had often said about him, his dad called him a deep thinker, and later a brawler. June called him broody. It just wasn’t how he was made, he had no need or inclination to verbalize every thought that came into his head. Watch, listen, analyze, plan and then bulletproof the plan, always keep your guard up that’s what he liked. The nightmare had been a harsh reminder that he shouldn’t drop his guard, couldn’t take the chance that something could happen to change what he had now. Three children and June needed him to take care of them, protect and provide for them.

 

He could breathe a little easier now and his lips felt a bit numb.

 

“June, I have a gun locked in a box, in a safe, in the garage...in a box.”

 

“I know you do.”

 

“How’d you know there’s a gun?”

 

“Because you’re you. And, you take protecting me, us, pretty seriously.”

 

“I gotta protect you ‘cause I love you. An’ I love Hannah an’ Holly...an’ you.”

 

“And, I love you, Nick, so much. Can I put that glass down for you or do you want another drink?”

 

The glass in Nick’s hand was tipped almost sideways, the few remaining drops leaving their mark on the carpet, June took it from him, setting it down. His head was leaned back, eyes half closed, just staring straight ahead, but he did seem somewhat more calm than when she first found him, whatever was bothering him had totally freaked him out.

 

“I used to watch you in your window June, you were so sad. I loved you already, I think I loved you the first time I saw you. I wanted to climb into your window and run away with you to a cabin and live in the woods where nobody would ever find us...just me and you, safe...and if a bear came I would shoot it.”

 

June smiled, her eyes were soft, he loved that smile, of all of her smiles that one was his favorite.

 

“You’re really kind of obsessed with that gun right now.”

 

“I tried so hard, so hard to get you out of there,” he gripped her hand urgently, “I just wanted you safe, even if I couldn’t have you.”

 

“We’re all fine now Nick, we’re not there anymore,” June put a hand on each side of his face and tilted it down to look directly into his eyes,

“ _You_ kept us safe Nick, _you_ got us out.”

 

He sighed, the baby moved under his hand, June said it was a kick but it felt like a nudge to him, so real. When he heard the heartbeat for the first time he was overwhelmed, such a strange noise, so fast and so soft. He had looked into June’s tear-filled eyes her hand gripping his so tightly and everything else in the world had just melted away, it was only the two of them and that sound, proof of the life they had created - and he could saw their whole life roll before him, he wanted to live in that moment forever. So much goodness for someone who had done the things he had.

 

“I’m not a good man June, I’ve done bad things...Gilead...”

 

June reached for both of his shoulders gently shaking him, “You are a good man, you had no way of knowing that they were going to turn it into that, and you’ve worked so hard to right any wrongs Nick. We found each other there, and now we have each other here, forever. And Hannah, and Holly, and BB. The bad stuff is over Nick, it’s _over_.”

 

“I had a nightmare...about Fred...and you.”

 

“Bad one?”

 

“Yeah, usually I get back to sleep, and I said it so many times but it didn’t help.”

 

“Said what Nick?”

 

“In my head, June,Hannah,Holly,BabyBlaine, over an’ over ‘til I feel better. JuneHannahHollyBabyBlaine, JuneHannahHolly...” his voice trailed off.

 

Nick’s eyes were closed, he was fading, and she was glad he couldn’t see the tears that were running down her cheeks. He was so good and so kind and so... _everything_ to her.

 

“Here baby, let’s get you laying down,” she whispered, shifting him so he was stretched out on the sofa, “You feel better now, like you can sleep again?”

 

“Mhmm.”

 

June pulling a throw blanket over both of them, snuggled into him, his arms automatically wrapping loosely around her.

 

“I watch you sleep, your hair all spread out, your hand on my heart, so beautiful. You’re laying on top of me, my baby inside you, my whole world.

You’ve given me...love you June...”

 

 

 

.......................................................

 

 

 

With a groan Nick woke up on the sofa with a pounding headache, he could hear June shuffling around in the kitchen, the smell of coffee brewing rolled his stomach. He needed water, he desperately thirsty but his body wasn’t ready to move yet. As he lay there trying to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth he tried to recall the previous night.Other than vague images of the nightmare he’d had, and drinking too much Scotch he didn’t remember much. Nobody should drink Scotch, ever, he was never touching that shit again. June must have come out and found him passed out on the sofa...fuck, he hoped she hadn’t come out and gotten him to blather on and spill his guts. Before he could force himself up off of the sofa June was in front of him drinking tea out of his ‘I Love My Daddy’ mug. Handing him a _very_ large glass of water and two pills she sat on the coffee table facing him smiling sweetly as her eyes rolled over him, “You okay?”

 

“I’m good,” he croaked out nodding hesitantly, sure his body felt like garbage from the alcohol but otherwise he found he actually did feel...good, calm, happy even, it seemed drinking himself stupid had done the trick. He took the pills and sucked down the entire water bottle, while June calmly sipped her tea and watched him.

 

“Nick?” June’s voice soft, full of emotion wavered, “You make me feel so loved. You always believe in me, and you always support me and know when to step back if I need to do it on my own and when to push me. All of the little things you do for me, how you touch me. You’re an amazing dad to Holly and Hannah, the baby’s so lucky to have you as a dad.”

 

“June...” he interrupted in a hushed voice, “Stop, please stop, don’t cry. You’re killing me. What brought this on, did I say something last night?"

 

She laughed lightly through her tears, then a slight smile appeared.

 

“You, say something? You’re not the most chatty guy on the best day buddy, I wrestled the bottle away from you, covered you up, and that’s about it.

All of your deep dark secrets are still safe.”

 

Reaching out to run her fingertips over his brow, smoothing out the furrowed lines, their eyes locked on each other, she murmured to him,

“You look like hell Nick, go back to bed.”

 

“Yeah, I should. You coming with me?”

 

“Yes,” June nodded absently, her fingertips moving down to trace over his lips.

 

Taking her fingers into his he kissed them asking in a rough whisper,” “You gonna let me sleep?”

 

“Probably not.”

 

“Good.”


	4. Chapter 4

______________________________

 

 

It was peaceful under the car, quiet except for his music playing low, getting out here to the garage had been at the top of his things to do list but his morning had been full of other tasks. Finish installing the car seat, drop some packages off at the post office and take the girls to their dance classes, June had worried that he wouldn’t want to do it but he enjoyed it, all it required was sitting in the parent waiting room and occasionally watching on the large monitor. Hannah was crazy good, listened intently to everything asked of the class then performed whatever steps flawlessly. Holly was...pretty damn cute in her outfit, but when they called him out of the parent waiting room he found her laying in the corner on her back, chubby little legs happily kicking the wall, pretty pleased with the footprints she was leaving and absolutely zero interest in the class. June would no doubt be disappointed, but ironically, she reminded him so much of June when she exhibited the ‘yeah thanks, but I’ll do it my way’ mindset. Hannah right now was at a friends house for the afternoon and Holly was sound asleep, the baby monitor sitting on the workbench ready to alert him of her waking.

Working on cars was zen for him, the mechanical intricacies, the shape of them, taking one apart when something wasn’t working, determining the issue then the satisfaction of a successful repair. Halfway under the car in jeans and a long sleeved tee, wrench in his hand and more possibly necessary tools scattered to the left and right of him, he was enjoying himself. It was June’s car he was working on, she had taken his car to her pregnancy yoga class, with her belly he wasn’t sure how she could do much of anything, then thinking back to earlier this morning he recalled she did still move pretty damn well. He grinned thinking about her legs wrapped around him, her long, wavy hair spilling down her back, eyes half closed and lips parted as he…and then she...”

“Nick, what are you doing?”

Damn, she moved like a ninja in those little gym shoes, the only part of her he could see from under the car.

‘I’m watching a movie.”

“Really?”

“No you nut, I heard a rattle the last time I drove this and I’m tightening up a couple things to see if it stops the noise.”

She kicked his foot, “I thought maybe you had your laptop under there watching some how-to video on fixing some car thing. I didn’t think you were just chilling out and watching Shawshank again.”

He scoffed, “A video? You think I need to watch a video to fix a car,” rolling out from under the car he looked up at her, damn, her tits looked even bigger from down here.

She kicked his foot again, harder, aware of where his eyes were fixed. He smirked hauling himself up and kissing her flushed face, “Good time at yoga?”

“Ugh, just okay. I could do the breathing right, that’s about it. Oh, I saw Rick’s wife there, she wants us to come over and hang out with them some night.”

“Rick’s a dick.”

June chuckled, “So that’s a no?”

“June he’s cheating on her with some hot single mom Ambassador from the International Department, and he’s been doing it for a while,” he explained frowning while wiping his hands down with a cloth.

“Really? Tell me all about it Nick, tell me more about this Ambambassador and how _hot_ she is.”

Nick loved a jealous June, “Well she’s blonde, tall, about...don’t kick me again June,” he warned.

When her hand darted out to smack his shoulder, he grabbed it before it could land using it to pull her into his arms, her belly big between them.

“Stop hitting me June,” he grumbled leaning in to kiss her mouth then moving on to lick and kiss her neck.

“Nick I’m all sweaty,” she complained laughing while trying halfheartedly to pull away from him.

“I like you all sweaty,” he breathed into her ear, tightening his hold while she squirmed against him.

“Mmmm, I like you sweaty too,” June reached both hands into his hair, scratching his scalp lightly.

“Perfect, get your ass up on the hood of the car and I’ll make that happen for you.”

She rolled her eyes at him, “Nick, what are you going to do when we can’t have sex for six weeks after the baby?”

The corners of his mouth tipped up as he smiled at her, “I’ll be out here under the car with my laptop watching...a different kind of video. What are _you_ going to do?”

Her shoulders sagged, her lips pouted, “I don’t know.” So fucking cute, he thought, tucking her into him, with his arms wrapped around her he kissed her forehead, “My poor baby.”

Sex or lack of it was the least of his worries, how the fuck was he going to stand there and watch this woman he was so totally in love with, in pain, in pain for hours, he had a hard time refusing her the last piece of pizza. It would forever gut him that she had been totally alone, without him, or anyone, when she had Holly. This time would be different, it would be perfect for June, he had a plan and he was totally ready. Her due date was now only two short weeks away, while June was busy oohing and ahhing over tiny clothes and crafting dozens of poorly constructed glittery little pictures frames for the baby, he had packed the “go” bag with clothes for her, clothes for him, clothes for a baby girl, clothes for a baby boy, extra phone chargers, a burner phone, although he wasn’t sure exactly why he might need a burner phone but some habits died hard, organized and downloaded the music she wanted, had childcare numbers and backup childcare numbers in his phone at the ready and now was making sure the cars were set. And, while he did all of that he wanted June to be doing exactly what she wanted, folding tiny clothes, and soft little blankets, wandering around their house with that dreamy look on her face and making more of those ugly baby picture frames. He wanted her peaceful and happy.

“How did the girls do at dance class?” June asked biting her lip, she was always concerned that the effects of the Gilead days might rear its ugly head and cause some negative effect on their life.

“Hannah is so damn good, I took some video on my phone for you to send to Luke, he’ll love it.”

“You’re such a good guy, Nick. And, Holly?”

Nick turned away, intently focusing on organizing a few tools so he didn’t have to look her in the eye, “Good, yeah, Holly, she’s really something. I think she gets her dance skills from you.”

June’s face glowed with happiness, “Really?”

“Uh huh, Yeah, I’m sure of it.”

“Well I just hope she doesn’t get a small bladder from me, I’ll be right back, you want anything?”

He looked at his watch, he had accomplished what he set out to and he could always test out the repair later, he could really go for a beer but June had been advised by her doctor to up her water intake.

“Water,” he called after her, “Bring two, I’ll drink one with you.”

 

 

_________________________________________

 

 

Watching her walk towards the house, he worried the yoga might have been too much for her, she seemed to be moving a little slower today. He should go in with her, get her to just sit and rest for a while, set her up on her laptop and let her Pinterest him to death with a couple hundred, Nick-look-at-this’s. After closing up the garage he found her in the kitchen scrupulously wiping down the inside of the microwave, pulling two water bottles from the refrigerator, he gently pushed her out of the room.  
  
“June, I’ll do it, get your laptop out and let’s look at the list of baby names.”

“Really?” Her face lit up, “Awesome, I have some new names I think you’ll like.”

He really hoped so, they weren’t having much luck deciding on anything, it wasn’t that they didn’t agree, the names were either too alternative or too stuffy.

“Good, let’s make a final boy and girl decision,” he handed her the open water bottle and sat pulling her legs onto his lap, “Okay let’s hear ‘em.”

“Liam?”

“Hate it.”

“William, Will?”

“Iron will, strong-willed, goodwill. Yeah, good, I like it.”

“Colin? Listen, Nick, it says Colin originated as a medieval variant of Colle, a short form of Nicholas and you know your name means victory of the people?”

“Eh, maybe.”

“Tristan?”

“Never.”

June laughed, “My man of few words.”

Nick idly tapped the foot he had rubbing for her, “June, I had an idea about a girl’s name....what about Emily?”

Her eyes flew up to him over the laptop, “Oh my God, why didn’t we think of that before. It’s perfect,” she breathed, “Emily. I love it, Nick. You’re okay with it?”

“Yeah, I agree, it’s perfect.”

She smiled at him and he smiled back at her, they sat like that for a while, smiling at each other in their own bubble of contentment and love and the mutual knowledge of how lucky they were, to be together, and able to share all of it, in the open, whenever they wanted. June yawned then and Nick reached over pushing the laptop screen down, “Sleep June, I’ll get Holly when she wakes up.”

June wiggled around wincing as she tried to get comfortable, he noticed her eyes were pinched a bit at the corners, she seemed more uncomfortable than usual, “Your back hurt?”

“I just can’t get comfortable.”

“Turn this way, put your head on my lap, I’ll rub your back again.”

Five minutes later she was out like a light, under his hand he could feel the baby moving occasionally, June would moan softly, shift around a bit and then it would happen again. He wondered if she was in labor, setting the stopwatch on his phone he waited...14 minutes. Fuuuck, more shifting, June’s face tensed then relaxed, 14 minutes again. His body switched to high alert. Was she in labor, was it false labor, should he wake her or let her sleep? Startled by the baby monitor suddenly squawking he carefully slid out from under her wanting to get Holly before she woke her mom up.

Smiling at him around the thumb in her mouth, she reached out one chubby little arm out to him calling, my da-dee, my da-dee. Scooping her up he hugged her solid little body tightly to him and breathed her in, fatherhood was a humbling thing, with thousands of indescribable worries and joys that could bring you to your knees emotionally on a daily basis. He loved every minute of it.

  
“How’s my girl,” he crooned to her as he sat rocking her, “You ready to be a big sister?” Standing on his lap she patted his face...hard. “Soft, Holly, soft,” he patted her face gently hoping she would get the idea, she giggled then smacked him again. Definitely June’s daughter, she may have his coloring and his dark hair but she absolutely had June’s penchant for smacking him. He reached down for a book to occupy her hoping it would give June more time to sleep. Flipping the book around he saw that he had grabbed Click, Clack, Moo, Cows That Type, perfect, one of his all-time favorites, no princesses, no mermaids, just some empowered farm animals, it was never too early for Holly to learn the importance of rebellion, even if it was just the cows against the farmer.

 

 

__________________________

 

 

  
Two fucking weeks early. It was definitely labor. Nick was waiting at the door, glancing at his watch, he had been waiting at the door for the last nine minutes, the bag was at his feet, the car was running, pizza delivery was called, the overnight childcare was here, Moira had been notified. It was go time. It was go time seven minutes ago. He knew June and had allotted two extra minutes to his schedule, she was not great at departures.

“June.”

No answer. He raised his voice.

“June. Come. on.”

No answer.

Fucking hell, her contractions were 11 minutes apart now, he was getting stressed. He wanted her right fucking now in a hospital, safe, in a hospital bed, with a doctor, a doctor with the huge needle that you always see in the movies with the stuff squirting out of the top. Normally she was able to get her way with him because he just wasn’t capable of denying her anything but this was different, it was his job to protect her, it was his job to comfort her and right now it was his job to get her to the hospital.

“June. Let’s. Goooo,” he shouted.

For fuck’s sake, he was shouting at his pregnant wife. What kind of man shouts at his pregnant wife, he checked his watch again, he felt like a giant dick for shouting but come the fuck on.

His jaw clenched, his eyes narrowed fucking finally, she appeared, he watched her casually strolling toward him then make a detour over to the end table randomly picking up and inspecting a framed photo of the four of them at the beach in Hawaii, then shoving it in her bag. What the fuck was she doing, he had her requested list of photos packed already. They weren’t heading out to pick up a few things at the grocery store, he had a plan and she was fucking it all up. Taking a deep breath he focused on toning down his irritation, then he saw her reach for another frame.

“June,” he snapped loudly at her in his commanding dad voice.

Startled, June bobbled the frame, when it fell to the floor she looked at him accusingly, beautiful but annoyed, “Look what you did Nick, you don’t need to shout at me, I’m coming, I’m coming.”

When she began to bend over to pick up the frame she heard him mutter under his breath then snap, “Don’t even think about it, you need to get in the car _now_.”

“You don’t have to be so bossy, I was just...”

Grabbing her hand he pulled her out the door shutting it behind her, with his hand firmly on her back he tried to gently hustle her to the car without actually making her move any faster than she was capable.

As he moved to open the door for her, she calmly asked, “Are you sure you want to take your car, what if my water breaks in it?”

He was slightly insulted, did she think he wasn’t prepared?

“I wrapped the seat with plastic and put towels over it weeks ago. Baby please, let’s just get you in the car.”

Finally, he felt like he had made progress, she was now actually in the car. He helped her bend, lean, swivel, buckle, kissed her and just as he was about to close the door, her hand reached out clutching his arm, her nails digging into his arm through his jacket, another contraction. Crouching down he watched helplessly for a second or two then breathed with her, swallowing around the lump in his throat as he watched her face go white with pain, and let her grip his hand as tightly as she needed until it passed.

He leaned up to stroke her face, her head tipped back onto the seat headrest as she recovered.

“It’s okay, you’re okay, it’s over now, you did great,” he soothed.

She turned her head to him, looking into his eyes.

“I’m scared Nick.”

_He was...absolutely terrified, his brow was starting to sweat._

“You got this June.”

“Nick, what if something goes wrong?”

_His heart felt like it was beating too fast, if something went wrong he wasn’t sure he could live without her._

“Nothing’s going to go wrong June, you’re going to be in a hospital, with doctors, and drugs. You were amazing the last time you did this and you were totally alone.”

“Oh God Nick, what if something happens to the baby?”

_He felt lightheaded, was he going to pass out? There were a hundred things that could go wrong, what if something went wrong with the baby..._

_“_ June, breathe, you’re making yourself crazy, the baby’s moving, the heartbeat’s strong and steady. I’m not going to let anything happen to you or our baby.”

“God Nick, I’m so lucky to have you, you’re such a rock.”

Rounding the back of the car his hand shook as he reached into his pocket for the keys. Sliding into the car he looked over at her, that soft dreamy look was back in her eyes and a gentle smile on her face, beautiful and totally zen again. He tried to swallow but his mouth had gone totally dry, he was afraid he was going to vomit on her. He wondered briefly if he would have to let her drive herself to the hospital and use the burner phone to call an ambulance for himself.

June reached over and squeezed his arm, “I love you, Nick.”

Unclenching his hands from their death grip on the steering wheel he started the car and shifted into drive, “I love you too June, now let’s get you to the hospital.”

“Nick?”

“June, whatever it is we don’t have time, we’re going _now_.”

“I know, I know, but Nick isn’t that the “go” bag sitting on the front steps?”

 

 

__________________________________________________

 

 


	5. GAME ON

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is rated MATURE
> 
> Thank you for reading and overlooking any errors.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The score was 17 to 21 with seven minutes until the half, Michigan held the slight lead, Nick had his M snapback hat on, cold beer in his hand, the game cut to a commercial break. Even though it was only the fourth game of the season and still early in the fall season it was pretty damn cold outside and Nick had been thrilled at the chance to use their fireplace to warm up the room a bit more. Setting his beer down, he headed over to the fire to throw another couple of logs on, _“If Harbaugh doesn’t make another stupid ass play call before the end of the half I think we’ve got a shot at a second win.”_

Still standing in front of his fire, he took another drink of beer, _“You know they have the best defense in the league, I think that’s going to let them make a few mistakes on offense and still maybe pull off a win. What do you think?”_

No answer.

_“A man of few words hmm, just like your dad.”_

Will Osbourne Blaine wedged into the corner of the sofa, wearing a far too big navy blue hoodie with a gold M smack in the middle and Baby Gap jeans just looked at his father with big blue eyes while trying to put his entire fist in his mouth and kicking his feet. Nick had tucked him securely into the corner of the sofa while he tended the fire, sitting back down and scooping him up he situated his son on his lap, and reached for Will’s bottle, watching Will windmill his arms in excitement at the sight of his dinner. Smiling to himself Nick popped the bottle in his son’s mouth then returned his attention to the game. Will would greedily suck down his bottle in no time and then be out like a light, he was a good baby, slept through the night early, and was a very good eater, a solid little guy weighing in at 15.2 pounds at just three months. With his big blue eyes and rosy chubby cheeks even Nick couldn’t help but admit that he was a beautiful baby, people often stopped them when they were out in public to ooh and ahh over him, and June was beyond thrilled with Will’s chunkiness.

It was a night game so it was already late for the girls to be still out, June would be home soon with Hannah and Holly who she had taken to see a movie after shopping and dinner, texting him to say that both girls had already fallen asleep in the car. He would hear their disappointment the following morning since June had bought both girls Michigan hoodies to match Will’s and they were looking forward to watching another game with him. Hannah would ask a lot of questions, try her best to understand and then end up reading a book, and Holly, well, he would just be glad if Holly sat still for five minutes and didn’t break anything, she was a constant ball of energy with a mercurial personality, and although he loved watching all of her antics, both he and June knew that they probably needed to harness her energy more successfully.

Nick looked down to see that Will had indeed conked out, he gently wiped the drooled milk away trying not to disturb him, he was happy to just hold him while he continued to watch the game, a short time later hearing the garage door rise he moved to settle Will in his crib for the night. Although he typically took the evening feeding using June’s expressed milk, June had claimed the routine of actually putting him down for the night.

Smiling to himself he recalled the night before when he had been focused reading a report on his laptop while June was putting Will to bed, the baby monitor was on and he could hear June as she changed and rocked him before finally settling him in his crib.

 

_“Who’s my sweet little boy, hmm?_

_You’re my good little boy, aren’t you?_

_Yes, you are. You look just like your daddy, yes you do._

_That’s where you got those pretty lips, isn’t it?”_

 

Nick smiled to himself, there was nothing as good as having June’s undivided attention lavished on you. She was a devoted and loving mom, nurturing and fun at the same time, her children were lucky to have her and he knew firsthand that she would give her life for any one of them. He paused to see if she would continue her cooing and sweet talking to Will.

 

_“When you grow up you’re going to be just as handsome as your daddy and you’ll_

_drive all of the girls crazy with your pretty lips, won’t you?_

_Just like your daddy does, right?_

_And do you know what your mommy will do,_

_your mommy will tell those awful girls_

_to go away and leave my handsome boy alone.”_

 

He was well aware of the fact that she had a thing for his lips and he was very glad for it. It had only happened a few times, but a jealous June was an even more passionate June, and that was a definite win for him. After continuing to work for a while Nick realized she hadn’t returned after putting Will to bed, shutting down his laptop he went to find his wife.

Nick entered their bedroom, only the single light coming from their en-suite bathroom lit the room, the only movement was June, he stopped to watch. Leaning over her dresser June was removing her earring, wearing only black lace bikini panties and a very thin black tank. Fucking beautiful. June complained occasionally about getting her body back in shape after having Will, she quickly took up running again with her typical single-minded determination. She had even guilted him into joining her, until the day she insisted on racing and when he beat her he was banned from her joining her ever again. Competitive nature aside, to him June was perfect just as she was. There was something fascinating to him about her, always had been, like a frequency that only he heard, a drumbeat that only he felt, that pulled him to her. He had cataloged many hours simply watching June, and would happily catalog many more. He would never get tired of watching her, just as he would never stop wanting her, wanting her undivided attention, wanting to feel her body. Leaning against the doorframe arms crossed he silently watched, she had moved on to smoothing lotion all over her face, then her arms. She knew he was there, he could sense the subtle shift in her movements, they were slower, more deliberate, more seductive, it wasn’t necessary for her to work at seducing him, wanting her was just a part of his being.

Her eyes met his in the mirror and he watched them roll over him then travel back up to meet his intense gaze, her eyes softened slightly, then she cocked an eyebrow at him, _“What?”_

He didn’t move but the corners of his lips tipped up slightly, _“I heard you on the monitor...talking to my son.”_

_“I talk to your son every night.”_

_“You were talking about my lips.”_

_“I am a big fan of those lips Mr. Blaine. I’m pretty crazy about your mouth overall.”_

_“Is that right?”_

_“Mmm, hmm. You just going to stand over there eyefucking me all night?”_

His eyebrows rose at her taunt, _“No. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna use my mouth too.”_

With her eyes locked on him in the mirror, he moved until he was directly behind her, every part of the front of him aligned with every part of the back of her, so close that his warm breath blew strands of her hair forward. Lazily he slid his hands around her waist until they met low on her stomach, right above the waistband of her panties. He watched in the mirror as she rested her head back onto his shoulder, her neck arched, _“Nick,”_ she softly moaned to him. Sliding his fingertips just barely under the waistband of her panties he dragged his hands to the sides of her waist pulling her body back to meet his more closely. Her skin soft and sweet smelling shivered under his heated hands, hooking his fingers under the edges of her tank he leaned back only enough to slide it up her body, over her head then tossing it aside.

_“Nick,”_ she sighed dropping her head forward as his hands slid up and covered her breasts, they were fuller still, slightly softer and he was as obsessed with them as he was with every other part of her body.

_“Watch,”_ he urged as he lifted and smoothed over each one, stopping to focus on her nipples, lifting her head, her heavy-lidded eyes met his in the mirror, her cheeks already flushed.

_“Jesus, June you’re so fucking perfect.”_

Her eyes followed his fingers in the mirror as they swirled and circled and teased, then lowering his head to her shoulder sucking her skin into his mouth he marked her while moving his hands to her shoulders and smoothing them slowly down her arms. Hands on top of hers, he positioned them on the edge of the dresser, _“Keep them there,”_ he ordered, his voice now low and rough, she nodded, her hands tightly gripping the edge as requested, their eyes locked on each other. He disappeared from her view as he drew her panties down her legs and she obligingly stepped out of them for him, the slow slide of him back up her body drew a whimper from her and she could tell his by his breathing that he was just as affected. She could feel his dick, hard and ready, she wanted it, wanted him, shimmying against him slightly she tried to encourage him to move things along.

_“Slow down,”_ he murmured.

_“Now Nick. Now, please.”_

_“Look at me June. Watch.”_

His hand lifted to hold her chin up to meet his dark eyes in the mirror before them, when he was satisfied that he had her undivided attention he slid inside her in one sharp thrust. Expelling a breath at his invasion she raised up on her toes to adjust to the fullness of having him inside her, then met his movements pushing back to meet each of his thrusts. Lips parted breathing heavily he leaned in over her, a low groan of her name spilled from his mouth into her ear, he pulled out of her turning her to face him.

_“You want me.”_

He’s telling her, it’s a statement from him to her, not a question.

_“Yes. Always.”_

Her reply was soft and breathy but firm with no hesitation, it’s the greatest rush for him, having June, this strong, brave, intelligent woman willing and wanting, wanting him. Cupping her face in both hands he kissed her deeply, possessively for long minutes leaving her lips swollen and numb, then lifted to seat her onto the dresser quickly moving in between the legs she eagerly opened for him.

With her face tipped down, her hair falling over them he pressed his thumb against her lower lip, _“Every minute of every day,”_ he paused leaning in to kiss her again, his tongue pushing deep into her mouth then pulling back to bite her swollen bottom lip, _“I think about you.”_ He met her mouth for another deep kiss, her arms wrapping around him, one hand raising to drag roughly through his hair. _“So fucking hot, so beautiful, you don't even know how much...”_ his hands cupped her cheeks, _“Tell me you love me June, that you‘ll never have enough of this.”_ June nodded, her face flushed, lips swollen from their kisses.  
  
_“I love these lips,”_ she whispered, her eyes watching her fingertips trace over them as if she was mesmerized by the shape of them, _“The things you say to me, what they do to me, just for me, mine..."_

  
He couldn’t wait any longer, thrusting back inside her a fierce, possessive expression on his face, _“Just for you, only you,”_ her legs wrapped around him pulling him into her.

_“More,”_ she whispered into his mouth, _”Please, more, more, more.”_

Pushing and pulling, sliding in and out, he gave her what she wanted, what he wanted.

_“Tell me June.”_

_“I love you, Nick. Your hands, the way you look at me, everything.”_

_“Fucck, June,”_ clamping his hands around her waist and pulling her down to grind on him her fingernails digging into his shoulders, he increased his pace. The dresser shook, June cried out muffling the sound in his shoulder, as they orgasmed together.

Minutes passed with June still pressed to him her arms circling his neck, while his fingers trailed up and down her back, as they both caught their breath, finally he whispered, “ _You okay?_ ”

Her legs still wound around his waist she nuzzled her face into his neck breathing him in, a soft _“Mm-hmm,”_ all she could summon as a response.

Gently forcing her face up to his he kissed her softly, _“C’mon baby, let me get you into bed.”_

_“Nick?”_

Depositing her onto the bed he situated her under the covers then slid in next to her.

_“Hmm?”_

_“Do you think other people love as much as we do?_ ”

_“You mean have sex as much as we do?”_   Shifting her onto her side he wrapped his arms around her from behind and lowered his face into her neck.

_“No, I mean as intensely.”_

_“I think if the love is intense it carries over physically.”_

_“Hmm, probably true”_

_“We went through a war, people we knew died, a mark was left on us from living every day knowing how easily the things that matter most could be taken away, it makes us different. Don’t you think?”_

_"Nick?"_

He smiled to himself as he breathed her in, her hair, her lotion and his favorite, the smell of her mixed with the lingering scent of him on her skin.

_“Yeah?”_

Their voices were low, secretive and hushed, reminding him of their stolen hours together wrapped in a cocoon of just the two of them, the intensity of their feelings strong enough to block out the existence of anything other than just them.  
  
_“I feel safe.”_

_“You are safe,”_ he tightened his arms around her, _“I won’t let anything happen to you. Ever.”_

June was strong and brave and intelligent, but Gilead had left its effect on her in ways that no one could see and that only he was allowed to hear her confess. It wasn’t easy for June to voice her fears, but even her strength couldn’t stop what he had assessed was some form of PTSD, a lingering fear that everything could be taken away from them at any time.

_“I know you won’t Nick.”_

_“Do you? You know I had to lie and maneuver and cheat in Gilead, but none of that, none, compares to what I would do for you June, to keep you safe, to keep you with me, to keep our family together.”_

She wriggled and rolled until she was facing him, her entire body from the tips of her toes to the top of her head resting against him, tilting her head she reached up to feather a fingertip back and forth over his eyebrow, ruffling and then smoothing it.

_“I’m so lucky,” she whispered pausing her hand to look into his eyes, “That I found you. That you love me.”_

_“June, I’m the lucky one, You’ve given me everything. For you, I could see myself as someone better than that place had me. Fighting for you, to keep you safe and alive, it didn’t matter that I didn’t know if I would ever be able to really have you, it made me feel like I wasn’t just surviving like I was alive beyond that fucked up world. So don’t say that you’re lucky, I’m the lucky one. I love you. So much. So goddamned much.”_

It’s quiet for a long while only the sounds of the night, until finally, June whispers, _“I’ve never been this happy.”_

Nick rolled over onto her so she lay beneath him, her golden hair now a messy swirl haloing her head on the pillow, her lips swollen from his kisses, no makeup on, her blue, blue eyes searching his.

Brushing his thumbs over her cheeks he studied her in silence until a smile began to curve up the corners of his lips.

_“What’s that smirk for?”_

His body followed his lips as they trailed down her body licking and kissing, stopping when his head rested between her legs.

_“Pretty sure I’m about to make you a little bit happier.”_

 

The End

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had this almost finished since the late fall and just kept fiddling with it, I'm finally ready to let it go before we get Season Three. Please forgive and overlook any mistakes although I'm always happy to receive constructive criticism.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I don’t want it.”

“It will make you feel better.”

“No. ”

“C ’mon.” 

“It’s gross.” 

“It’s not that bad, just try it.”

“No. I don’t want to.”

“Look, I’ve got a glass of water right here, just take half of it and then a big drink of water and it’ll wash away the bad taste.”

“No.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“Well, you’re stupid.”

Nick cap full of medicine still in hand sighed heavily as he sunk down onto the bed. 

“June, you’re running a temperature of 102 and you can’t breathe out of your nose. You’ve used so many used tissues your nose is raw and I’ve emptied the waste can twice today. Take. The. Medicine.” 

“Fine.”

Yanking the blankets down from her face June glared at him, Nick responded with a smirk. 

“That evil look would be a lot more effective if you didn’t have tissues stuck up each side of your nose and you weren’t covered in Vicks.”

“Shuddup.”

Still glaring at him she snatched the cup, eyebrows raised he watched silently, after a hesitant sip she coughed and choked dramatically, handing her the water glass he watched amused as she chugged down half of the water.

“I hate you.”

“I know you do,” he reached over to wipe a drop of water off of her chin, “Now drink the rest.”

She finished it and flopped back on the bed.

“Nick, I’m freezing,” she whined. 

Frowning he watched as she started to shiver, after pulling the blankets up over her and feeling her forehead he stroked her hair back from her face.

Soft and low he murmured to her, “Close your eyes, sleep, let the medicine kick in. You’ll feel better when you wake up.”

Her eyes fluttered open, “You, promise?”

Her eyes heavy with fatigue closed quickly and he murmured, “Yeah June, I promise. Sleep now.”

As he began to rise her cold hand snaking out from under the blanket grabbed his hand gripping it tightly, “You’ll be here when I wake up right?” 

“I’ll be right here.”

“K.”

Waiting until she was snoring softly, he turned out the bedside light and pulled the door closed behind him chuckling to himself, the strongest, the bravest woman he knew or he was certain ever would know, brought down by the common cold and a hatred of “gross” tasting medicine.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Hearing a shuffling, he turned running his eyes over her as she shuffled to the sofa in her enormous stuffed unicorn slippers, a gift from Hannah. Flopping down on the far end of the sofa from him, she smiled sheepishly, “I feel better.”

He reached to pull the lap blanket off the back of the sofa and tossed it to her, “Good.”

“And I took a shower.”

“Even better.”

“Why didn’t you get this damn cold? Every one of us except you has had it?”

“Well, I eat right, work out and every morning I...”

“I’m not drinking your disgusting health smoothie.”

Reaching out he slid her over to him, resettled the blanket over her and took her hand. 

“June, you’ve been running yourself ragged these past few weeks, with the kids being sick one by one and you going crazy getting Hannah ready for her dance yesterday when you already weren’t at 100%.

“But I had to Nick, it was her first dance.”

He nodded. 

June sniffled as she rested her head on his chest, he rested his head on hers.

“Tears or the cold?”

He could hear the waver in her voice as she began to answer then hesitated, ”My baby...my baby’s 13.....her first dance...with a boy.” 

He pulled her into him a little closer.

“Your baby looked beautiful just like her mom. You‘ve done a great job raising her June, there’s nothing for you to worry about.” 

After hearing another sniffle he decided to try and change her focus and handed her his phone.

“I’ve got those pictures I took of Hannah for you to send to Luke, send them now if you want.” 

“Thanks, you always remember, I always forget, God I’m a terrible mom, how can I forget to take pictures of my own child.”

“Stop, you’re being too hard on yourself. I heard what was going on in that room yesterday, shoes, hair, nails, dresses, I’ve seen military operations that required less strategy and precision, and, you were working with the volatile ego and emotions of a teenager...”

Sighing she reached up and stroked his cheek, “My Nick, so good to me, always tell me it’s not my fault, even if it is totally my fault. You always have my back.”

“And I always will.”

She rested her head on his shoulder.

‘Did you like him Nick, the kid, her date?”

“No.”

June snorted, “I did kinda pick up on that from your glaring and monosyllabic answers.”

“He kept staring at her with that stupid mooney-eyed look on his face.”

“Yesssss,” she murmured, “I have seen that look before. So annoying.” she smirked to herself, “Well, Hannah asked me if she could go see a movie with him next week.”

He pulled back abruptly to look at her, “What did you say?”

Unaware of his scrutiny June was in the process of sending the photos on his phone to Luke, “I said yes. Why? Don’t you think I should let her go?” 

“Uh, no. No, I think it’s fine. I’m just surprised, that you’re being so calm about it. I just thought you....”

June stopped sending the photos and looked up at him, he watched her eyes narrow, fuuuuucckkk, he had struck a nerve.

“You thought I what?" 

Nick flattened his lips working to eliminate any expression from his face. Too late. 

“Well, I am so offended. I can be rational about this. And understanding. And, I’m sure that Hannah is...”

He worked to hold back a groan, once June got on a roll about something, right or wrong he knew to just listen and wait patiently until she ran out of steam. Moving out from under his arm she turned to face him. 

“Are you laughing at me, Nick?”

“No, I just had this picture in my head of....nevermind.”

She smacked him on the arm, “What? Picture of what?”

“Of you trying to scare the kid with my gun.” 

After chuckling out loud at the image he stopped abruptly realizing she wasn’t laughing with him, glancing over at her he saw her staring straight ahead with a faraway look on her face. He knew that look.

“June you’re not using my gun to scare some thirteen-year-old kid.”

“He’s fourteen.”

“Oh he’s fourteen, well okay then.”

“Really?”

“June! No, Jesus, fuck, I was being sarcastic.”

She reached out to run her hand up and down his thigh.

“But Nick, I would make sure it didn’t have any...”

He grabbed her hand halting her attempt at persuading him.

“No June.”

He waited just watching her, he knew it was coming, there was no way that she was giving up that easily, even if it was the most half-assed idea she’de had since she handed Holly over to... No, he wasn’t going there right now.

“Nick?”

She leaned over to rest her head on his shoulders again, all sweetness and light, rejoining their hands, and looking up at him with her big blue Bambi eyes. He knew he was being played, she did it often enough, and he wasn’t too proud to admit that he was happy to sit back, play dumb and enjoy it. After a moment of basking in her sweet smile and softened eyes he realized that she was waiting for his response, he had totally forgotten her question.

“Hmm?”

“Will you do it?”

Nick sighed, “This is the cold medicine talking, right?”

They sat quietly for a while enjoying the peace and solitude. Moira had come into town to help out while the cold passed from one of them to another, she stayed at a hotel now when she was visiting, their family had grown to be too much for her both day and night, Holly and Will were staying at the hotel with her overnight. When June started to fidget, tapping her foot, anxious anytime her children were away from her beyond an hour or two he could tell that she needed an update.

He rose silently leaving the room returning with her phone and holding it out to her, “Go ahead and call.”   
Smiling up in an unspoken acknowledgment of how well he knew her she placed the call. After turning up the heat and getting her a glass of juice he listened hearing a few laughs, an emphatic “no fucking way,” and a “love you too.” after finishing her call with Moira and tossing her phone to the side, she leaned back turning her head towards him.

“You knew I was getting anxious.”

“Yes.” he leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead, “I think your fever has broken.”

“Yippee.”

Rising he moved to their bookshelves fiddling around with his beloved old school record player, he was still in dress pants and dress shirt, tie on but pulled loose. Legs tucked under her a sleepy June watched him from her seat on the sofa, the sound of Sam Cooke’s These Arms of Mine filled the room as he walked back to her, reaching over he set his beer down on the side table and held out a hand to her. 

“Dance with me June.” 

Her eyes softened, “Really?”

“We’ve never danced together.” 

Taking his hand she went into his arms, circling his neck as he dropped his arms  
around her waist and pulled her into him.

“You love this song don’t you,” she whispered as she gently scratched his neck.

“Mmmhmm, old Motown, I’m a Michigan guy remember? My dad used to play it.”

“I like it too.”

“Reminds me of you. Am I doing this right? Is this how all of the high school guys you danced with did it?”

Chuckling she tucked her head under his chin, the heat of her warm breath spreading out over his heart, “There weren’t that many boys Nick.”

He grunted, “Right, you wouldn’t have given me the time of day.”

“Oh I don’t know about that, I bet you had your brooding bad boy thing going on even then and I probably would have followed you around like a lovesick puppy, writing Mrs. Nicholas Blaine all over my notebook in my room at night.”

Smiling he rested his chin on top of her head shifting his feet to the music, “You’re not wearing much are you warm enough?” 

“I’ve never heard you complain about my lack of clothing before.”

“And I never will. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

She pulled her head back to look into his eyes, “My hero,” leaning up into him she kissed him tenderly, “Not that I don’t love it because I do but why are we dancing?”

“Watching Hannah so excited yesterday about her first dance, made me think about high school, and you in high school at dances, we didn’t have a traditional wedding so we didn’t have a chance then?”

“Nick, I don't care that we didn't dance, our wedding was perfect.”

“I never thought it would happen.”

“Really? Did you think I wouldn’t go through with it?”

“No not that...I just felt like you do sometimes, that something or someone would come along and try to take it all away. You know? I know you know what I mean.”

“I do.” June pulled away slightly, her feet stopped moving, she tipped her head back and brought both of her hands up to cup his face.

“You know I’m sorta starting to believe that there is nothing that could keep us apart, We really are destined to be to together.”

Dipping his head down he nuzzled his face into her hands trying to hide his grin while enjoying the warmth and softness.

She forced his face up to meet his eyes. “What? What is that grin for?”

His hands slid from where they were resting on her waist to her shoulders, gripping them he shook her lightly.

“Now you believe we’re meant to be together? War, escape, wait, my bad, three escape attempts, rescuing Hannah, getting Holly back, Having Will and NOW you think we might be destined to be together? 

It wasn’t three escape attempts, it was...

His voice rose slightly, “June, you gave my child away...”

“Oh God, not this again.”

She watched his eyebrows raise and his jaw set, she could see him struggle to hold in his temper while his fingertips gripped her shoulders tighter. When he finally opened his mouth to respond, she raised herself up on her toes, pulled his head down and kissed him.

When their lips finally parted, their eyes locked and she watched his eyes soften slightly.

“We’re together now Nick,” she whispered. 

His eyebrows lowered, she was playing him again and he knew it.

He opened his mouth to continue but she interrupted.

“We’ll always be together.”

He watched her, the set line of his mouth relaxing, she reached forward to kiss him again sliding her hands up his chest to rest on each side of his jaw, but he pulled back, his eyes laser-focused on her.

“Forever, right Nick?” she whispered.

“Yes June, forever.”

 

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End file.
